 Many parents find bedtime one of the most difficult parts of the day. Children often want to stay up “just a little longer” and this tugs at the heartstrings of their mums and dads. Even more complicated are times when children express anxiety at night and seem scared to go to sleep alone. It can be easy to fall into a habit of laying with your child until they fall asleep or to allow them to sleep in your bed. While short-term this may seem like a quick fix, in the longer-term it can affect spousal relationships, family routines and the child’s confidence. It can also implicitly send the message that they are not safe without you with them.
While children may go through short developmental phases of being scared to sleep alone at night, when these difficulties persist or become excessively frequent and distressing it may be time to intervene. The age of the child also comes into play when considering how much of a concern the anxiety has become. Ultimately, it is important for children to feel comfortable sleeping in their bed by themselves. After all, their own bed in their own home is really the safest place in the world. If a child doesn’t feel safe in their own bed it can be difficult for them to feel confident elsewhere. If you have decided to help your child overcome their night-time fears, one of the most important things to assist them to sleep soundly alone in their own bed is to send the message that it is safe. It is really important that you encourage your child to confront their fears with some initial gentle reassurance. Try not to be overly reassuring as this can come across as anxiety provoking. That is, it may seem to your child that you are trying too hard to encourage them, so it must be really difficult to do. Be mindful of your body language, tone of voice and the words you use. Project calm and remain poised when you communicate with your ‘little one’ and they will share in your confidence. Using a reward system can be helpful to encourage them to challenge themselves. For example, a jar with shiny stones (purchased from a discount store) which you give your child for being brave. They can start earning them for staying in their bed all night by themselves or by doing other things they are not confident with. Remember, the bad thing about anxiety is that it can spread. However, the wonderful thing about confidence is that it will certainly spread. Reassure your child initially by explaining “Mum and Dad would never ask you to do something that’s dangerous. We know our house is safe and so is your room. It’s important that you show yourself how brave you can be by sleeping in your bed all night. When you do this you’ll get a ‘brave stone’ to put in the jar. Once the jar is full you will get a special reward”. Try and find something that will really motivate your child to overcome the fear based on their interests (e.g. going to the movies, trampoline park, laser tag, etc.). When night-time comes it is important to continue to project calm and confidence. This can be extremely difficult if your child is distressed. However, remember that they will draw on your approach to the situation and in time will adopt the same level of composure, by learning from watching you regulate your own emotions. Try and establish a soothing and consistent bedtime routine (e.g. have a bath, read a story in bed and then sleep time) and give them directions with certainty. For example, “It’s sleep time now. I love you and I’ll see you in the morning” then leave the room peacefully as if all is going to plan. It’s up to you if you let your child come in to your room if they wake up in the middle of the night or keep coming out of their room. This is okay, however, it is extremely important that they then be calmly redirected back to their bed and that you are persistent with this. At that point ask your child “What did Mum and Dad say about overcoming you fears?”. It’s important that you assist your child to come up with the answers through prompting rather than giving them the responses. You need them to internalise their own self-talk that “Mum and Dad know my room is safe and there’s nothing to be afraid of. The noises outside are just normal night noises like birds, cats and cars going by”. As difficult as it may be (and as much sleep as you may lose) you need to make sure that your child sleeps back in their own bed after they wake up. This may cost you sleep to begin with but it will save you a lot in the long run. These strategies will be helpful in assisting you to address your child’s night-time anxiety. However, some children and families may require professional support due to more extreme or persistent difficulties. If you would like to seek advice or support in regards to your child’s anxiety please contact us today on 02 4929 2223. Our experienced and qualified Newcastle based Child Psychologists can assist. #childpsychology #childhoodanxiety #parenting #Newcastle Newcastle Child Psychologist Daniel Wendt discusses parenting, emotion coaching and children. Newcastle Child Psychologist Daniel Wendt discusses childhood tantrums.  Meet Bailey: It seems like Bailey has been angry at everyone recently. He spends a lot of time by himself and doesn’t want to do things with the family anymore. Bailey has been getting upset over small things and doesn’t seem to enjoy the fun activities he used to. He complains about not being able to sleep and seems tired all of the time. Bailey seems different now. Childhood Depression: Like adults, children and teenagers can also experience depression. Children with depression can become withdrawn, irritable and often put themselves down. They find it difficult to see the good things in situations and regularly overreact to small problems. As with any mental health concerns it is important to seek advice and treatment early before the difficulties develop further. Child and adolescent depression can be very concerning for family members and parents can feel helpless. How you can help:
Professional Help: If you would like to seek advice or support in regards to your child’s mood please contact us today on 02 4929 2223. Our experienced and qualified Psychologists look forward to supporting you and your family.  The National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) is a program which is already helping many people with disabilities and special needs in the Newcastle, Hunter and Central Coast areas. It is run by National Disability Insurance Australia (NDIA) which provides funding to eligible individuals in order to access ongoing supports and important early intervention services. Roll out of the scheme nation wide is commencing in July 2016 to assist all eligible individuals in accessing supports.
NDIS can assist eligible children, adolescents and adults with a recognised disability or special needs diagnosis such as an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The program outsources funding to registered providers such as Oracle Psychology to implement treatment and supports. Approved funding can include assistance from Psychologists, Occupational Therapists, Speech Therapists, Case Managers and Support Workers. However individual supports need to be approved and negotiated with an NDIS planner. The importance of early intervention is well documented in the research literature. Many childhood conditions benefit from early identification and treatment. By recognising and addressing needs in children, clinicians can promote more positive outcomes in adulthood. Mental health diagnoses such as anxiety and depression can also benefit greatly from treatment in childhood and adolescence which further highlights the benefits of early access to services. If you or a family member may benefit from accessing support through NDIS you can contact them directly on 1800 800 110 to enquire as to possible eligibility and the application process. Our Child Psychologists are registered to provide a range of supports and services to participants once a formal plan for funding is approved. We can also provide assistance through private health fund and Medicare rebates for eligible clients. An article written by Newcastle Child Psychologist Daniel Wendt and published in: JiGSAW Magazine, Family Day Care Australia  Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) has been known by many names over the years. Trying to understand how labels like Asperger's, Autism, PDD-NOS and ASD all fit together is sometimes like figuring out a puzzle. Understanding these different terms can be difficult for parents and teachers alike.
Some of the confusion comes from changes in the international diagnostic criteria over the past few years. In 2013 a new set of diagnostic terms were released as a part of the updated Diagnostic and Statistical Manual - Fifth Edition (DSM-V). Prior to the DSM-V three separate conditions were used to describe children affected by ASD. These were Autistic Disorder, Asperger's Syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS). With the release of the DSM-V these individual diagnoses have now been merged into one single Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnosis. The new umbrella term of ASD captures the similarities between the different disorders. Essentially children with ASD experience difficulties understanding the emotions of others and how to interact socially. As well as social difficulties, individuals with ASD often find it difficult to be flexible, struggle to cope with changes and have repetitive/obsessive behaviours. Individuals with ASD can also find certain sensory experiences overwhelming and may be quite sensitive to sound, touch, smell or taste. After a diagnosis of ASD is made a rating system is applied to indicate the level of need for the individual. Professionals provide a severity rating of either 1, 2 or 3. This can be thought of in terms of Mild, Moderate or Severe symptom levels respectively. This rating system helps with understanding the level of support required and what assistance may be available. ASD is a neurological (brain based) condition meaning it is generally life long. However early intervention by professionals such as Psychologists, Speech Pathologists and Occupational Therapists can assist individuals in gaining improvements in day to day activities and interactions. Generally, the earlier ASD is identified and treated the better the long-term outcomes.  Psychologists have known for a long time that what we think changes how we feel. In turn how we feel influences what we do. Some people get bogged down by the obstacles in their way. Their thoughts about situations are negative and block the path forward. So what does all of this have to do with those two words mentioned in the title of this article?
The thing is that some people look at situations and let 'BUT' get in the way: - "I want to go to university 'BUT' it's such a lot of work" - "I always wanted to make more friends 'BUT' I might say something silly" - "I need to go to the gym 'BUT' I am tired" - "I like going outside 'BUT' it's cold today" 'BUT' blocks our path. It tells us we can't do things because there is a problem. How are successful people different? They think differently. They let 'AND' tackle the problem head on: - "I want to go to university 'AND' it's such a lot of work" - "I always wanted to make more friends 'AND' I might say something silly" - "I need to go to the gym 'AND' I am tired" - "I like going outside 'AND' it's cold today" By simply changing the 'BUT' to an 'AND' successful people accept the obstacle in their path. They know that it will be difficult and that they can take on the problem to find a solution. Achievement and attainment does not mean that you will not be faced with problems on the road to success. On the contrary, it means that you are aware of the path ahead of you and that the goal is worth the burden. We cannot avoid problems. We can't expect everything to be easy. We need to consider situations with balanced and helpful thinking styles. Motivation is not something that you wake up with one day. It is a journey that begins with a single step. Like the Lion in the 'Wizard of Oz' he was not given courage by the wizard. It was something he proved to himself he had by completing the journey. Remember these two words (AND/BUT). Take life head on. Find solutions to problems. Build your skills and mobilise your resources. You can achieve 'AND' it will be difficult.  Many local families have been affected by the storms and flood damage over the past week. It may be difficult for some children to adjust to these incidents however there are some simple things you can do to help them cope.
Firstly, it’s important to remember that every child reacts differently to natural disasters. It can be normal for a child to experience some levels of anxiety and fear after traumatic events. Some children may have nightmares, sleep difficulties and may struggle to separate from their caregivers for a while after the event. This is expected and can be helped with some gentle reassurance and patience from adults. It may take several weeks for a child to feel calmer and more secure as things slowly return to normal. Once the disaster is over it’s important to try and return things to normality as quickly as possible. Continue with regular routines and provide a safe and supportive atmosphere. Ensuring that children are well fed, clothed and sheltered should be the first priority. This allows them to feel safe in their environment and promotes recovery. Offer opportunities to discuss the events and allow children to ask questions if they have any. Focus on providing gentle reassurance rather than facts, as children do not need to know all of the adult details. Give them age appropriate explanations and explain that these types of events are actually quite rare. It can be helpful to limit how much children are exposed to news reports and adult discussions of the disaster. This can be re-traumatising particularly in younger children, as by listening they can re-experience the distressing events or over emphasise them. Of course one of the most important things is for adults to model resilience. Show children that things are under control by staying calm and providing them with a secure base to seek comfort from. They will gain strength from your own strength. Look after yourself and seek your own help and support if you need it. Staying connected with friends, family and the community is an important aspect of recovering from a disaster. Everyone needs help at times and it is okay to ask for a shoulder to lean on. If you or your child experience extreme or prolonged distress following the recent floods, it may be helpful to seek professional psychological support to assist in the recovery. |
AuthorChild Psychologist Daniel Wendt is the Principal Psychologist of Oracle Psychology in Newcastle, NSW. Archives
July 2020
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